I’ve come to realize that I’ve been in a funk lately. Every time I see an issue in the national press I think, “I’d sure like to rip into that!” However, I never do. And I’ve just now realized why: All you fuckers agree with me.
Gay rights? SURE! Religion? Typically bullshit! Evolution? DUH! Global warming hoax? Only if all scientists worldwide are in a secret cabal! Women’s Rights? Fuck yeah! Objectivity in art? …. Ok, you don’t really follow that and that’s why I never write about it. Still! I’m lost for people who disagree. There’s a fight going on in the U.S. and I’m distanced from it because I’ve chosen my friends well. Irony of ironies; the guy who thrives on conflict gets surrounded by enlightened people. I have a hammer and all the nails are elsewhere.
So here’s my plea: send me your conservatives, your creationists, and your fundamentalists. Send me your pro-man+woman=marriage advocates, your anti-choice and your tribalists of all kinds. Bring them to me!
But honestly, seriously, I’m dying here people. Being surrounded by people who agree with me is actually a kind of benevolent hell. So do me a favor and send me all those you don’t have an answer to. Send me all those you don’t wish to argue with because you don’t want to upset family or work relationships. Send me people you were bullied by in grade school and give my internet address to the guy in a sandwich board warning of Russians or the anti-christ. Just, please, don’t leave me languishing in the slightly differing minutia of liberal politics.